If you have a problem....

“Sorry you appear to have mistakenly sent a message to Lou’s delivery, the previous occupants did leave a message informing you that you owed them one ‘vette, $20,000 worth of gold and a reminder that it’s their team, not your team and you’re not part of it. See ya Frank.”

P.S: Billy wants to bite you.

P.P.S Ain’t no dog but if there were I wouldn’t stop that fool from lettin’ ‘im savage ya. YA WRECKED MY GOLD SUCKA.

P.P.S.: There is too a dog and he ain’t too fond of you.

P.P.S You stole my comb Frankie, don’t think I didn’t know it was you and I want it back.

P.P.P.S How bout you shut up crazy fool ‘afore I forget to send you a message bout tumblr too? 

P.P.P.P.S: Shutting up now but Billy still wants to bite him. You didn’t pet the dog now the dog wants revenge.

P.P.P.S Guys, knock it off before we have to have Face scam us a new account

“You think they had peanut butter cookies in the POW camps pal? We won’t starve, there’s always an escape hatch regardless of the trap”

 ”Fool how about I stand in front of you and smush you into peanut butter if you don’t get outta here with your crazy jibber jabber . My allergy is stupidity, an’ you about to meet my remedy, a 10 on the BA Baracus scale of pain!”

“Ok colonel I got 3 pieces of Big red here, I can ration it out until the big guy uses the teeth from Faceman’s comb to dig a hole outta here”

“Hannibal, must you let BA treat my comb in such a manner? They’re not cheap you know, and I just got that!”

“We all have to make sacrifices for the team kid”

” But Hannibal what’s the chance that we’re all allergic to peanut butter? How about Murdock tries a piece-“

“Me? Why don’t you try it?”

“BA, how’s that escape hatch coming?”

“Well, on those rare days Decker runs out of ammo and has to round up the troops from the nearest boy scouts meeting, we tend to take a vote on a movie. We’re a democratic team you know?”

“Does Billy get a vote?”

“Ain’t no dog! How you gonna give an invisible dog a vote fool?!”

“Ain’t that hard, BA! I just ask him and he tells me and then I tell you! Ain’t brainsurgery.”

“Shut up Murdock, you don’t even have a brain to preform surgery on. You just a babblin’ fool.”

“Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with you all but there’s this really pretty girl that has finally agreed to go out with me. I can’t turn her down! How do you think she would feel?”

“Face! You can’t seriously be considering abandoning our movie night for some ladyfriend, who knows when the next one will be, I think Decker’s gatecrashed a jamboree, he could he knocking on the door any second, giving us two minutes to escape and the popcorn hasn’t even popped yet.”

“Yeah we watchin’ movies, sitdown sucka!”

“See Face, what did I tell you, piece of cake, we were back in time for lunch. Granted a few cars exploded, a window or two was smashed, but the girl was rescued, the business saved and the slimeballs packaged nice and neatly outside the local Sheriff’s office.”

“So what exactly kind of trouble are you in with the police? Where would you be getting this money from? …Also I’m not going to try anything with your girlfriend either! And I-I will not be slandered by these lies, I mean, do you honestly think I have to steal other people’s girlfriends? I am a gentleman, one who never mixes business with pleasure.”

“Huh? Face stole whose girlfriend? Where is she now? Did I hear something about cake?”

“Murdock this isn’t the time for this! I didn’t steal anyone’s girlfriend so let’s get back to business okay?”

“Guys would you knock it off? Settle Face’s love life later! 

“Man we ain’t no rehabilitation facility, you straighten your life out an’ that’s a good thing but we ain’t takin’ on no case when you ain’t even tellin’ us what spot of bother you in, we look like the local Samaritans?”

“BA, calm down. Well, what do you say Anon? The man makes a very good point. You can’t just expect us to take up a case we know nothing about. We’re good but we’re not miracle workers. You need to give us some facts pal, facts that don’t sound like the over eager pleadings of the United States military. You disappoint me Decker , still can’t find a plant with a brain amongst your men?”

“I imagine I’d have that ranch I always dreamed of, where a man could kick back with a nice cigar and a cold beer to watch the sun set from the porch, y’know what I mean?”

“I imagine I would have had a family; you know a wife and probably two kids. Try to live out the American Dream. I’d also probably have a dog and lots of nice suits that don’t get ruined.”

“Well.. I’d like to be able to fly and know there’s not gonna be any goons or MPs waitin’ at the other end. I’d like to see Hannibal’s horsies, too.”

” I’d like to spend some time with my momma, maybe get a place in Chicago for a while ‘afore I set up a youth center to help the needy children, help ‘em realise they can be somebody and don’t have t’be nobody’s fool”

“Honestly does everyone think I’m only picking up women when I’m on a job with the Team? I’m not constantly seducing every woman I see, I can assure you!”

“Sometimes they seduce you, right Face? But don’t worry we’ll be there to rescue you from that noose you get yourself tangled up in.”

“…Thank you Hannibal. Now can we please talk about something else?” 

”..W-What? No.. Don’t worry Billy, I ain’t lettin’ nobody take you away..”

“Murdock, everything is gonna be fine, nobody is going to take Billy from you. Now Anon, I’m sure you’re looking for another dog because Billy’s been apart of Murdock’s family for years.”

“Listen sucka, ain’t no dog! Jus’ some crazy man seein’ dumb stuff that ain’t there so how you gonna take a dog that don’t exist?”

“BA can’t you be a little nicer to Murdock? Look at him, he’s about ready to cry.”

“Look pal, you best make a visit to your local pet store, put an ad in the classifieds or hang some posters ‘round your hometown but don’t come here accusing members of my team of stealing, The A Team doesn’t steal. Murdock’s dog Billy has been around as long as I’ve known him. You’re obviously mistaken.”

“Yeah fool’s crazy, but man don’t steal sucka!”

“I like to kick back with a fine cigar and a cold beer, catching up on a football game or two, maybe with a nice young lady to keep me company over a slice of pizza.”

“When I’m not with the Team, I’m often working on new scams and meeting young ladies for lunch. It’s important to have…plenty of ‘friends’.”

“I spend a lot of time at the youth center, helpin’ the kids. Keepin’ ‘em off the streets is important, it’s  givin’ ‘em a chance t’stay outta trouble too.  I also do a lot of work on my van.”

“I’d say that’s mainly at the VA.. lots of readin’, video games, playing with Billy. I always try to get the orderlies to liven up the place but they never do! I said, ‘Let’s all go on a treasure hunt’, but they didn’t seem to be entirely on board with the idea and didn’t walk past my window for a while.”